Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
Randomize