She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
Randomize
