God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
Randomize
