I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
Randomize
