You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
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