The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
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