she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
Randomize
