There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
