you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
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