I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Randomize
