The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
I need to calm my uterus...
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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