It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Randomize
