i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Randomize
