would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Randomize
