It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
Randomize
