some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
