dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
Randomize
