I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
