I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
Naked Twister starts at high noon
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
