you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
