your parents love me but you hate me
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
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