you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
Randomize
