I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Randomize
