halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
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