i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
Holy shit dude........stairs
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
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