I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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