Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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