I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
Randomize
