the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
Houston, we have a squirter
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
