billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
