somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
Randomize
