I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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