Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
Randomize
