I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize
