So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
Randomize