I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
Randomize
