just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
Randomize
