yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
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