she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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