I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
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