made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Randomize
