Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize
