My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
Randomize
