I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
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