eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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