I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
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