One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
Randomize
