Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
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