Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
should my penis look like a turkey
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Randomize
