so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
Randomize
