Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
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