Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
Randomize
