go do what you do best...puke behind churches
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
Randomize
