I accidentally had phone sex last night
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
Randomize
