i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
Randomize
