I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
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