It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
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