fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
How many fucks given?
0.12846
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
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