your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
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