I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
We just shotgunned beers for America
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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