I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
