I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Randomize
