Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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