I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
Randomize
