I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Randomize
