Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
