another moral hangover. fuck.
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Randomize
