what's the vibe there?
extraordinary amounts of gine
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
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