Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
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